I Sound Like A 4 Year Old.

People suck.
I am so agitated by people sometimes.

I try to make sure my friends know they're important to me and that I love them.
I try to make plans to get together.
Start conversations via facebook or text message.
Ask how they're doing.

But people don't do that with me.
I am always the one calling them.
Always the one trying to make plans to get together.
I hate it.
No one asks how I am doing.
No one reaches out to me.

I feel so isolated and left out of my church group. I see my friends all getting together and I never get an invitation to be included.

I want to be included. I need to be. These people are my support system, but it doesn't feel like they even want me around.

I know at the end of the day that they'll be there in a time of need. And I very much appreciate it, don't get me wrong.

But I don't just want people there when times are hard. I want to be included in peoples lives as a regular friend.
To some, I am 'family'. But I don't feel like I am.
I feel 110% irrelevant to people.

In the last year I've come through the worst things I have ever had to face.
Rape.
Giving away a child I love.
Missing her every day.
Wishing I didn't have to be put in that situation.
Hating him for putting me in it.

And people were there when it first happened.
People were there when I was pregnant.
People were there when I had my c section and gave Zoe to Breezi.
But they suddenly disappeared after.
When I got married they came around again.

Why does it take a huge life event for people to show interest in being in my life?

My best friend, who is equal to a sister to me, doesn't feel the same way.
I hate it.

My kids aren't equal to her sister's kids. And it kills me.

Her kids would be immensely important to me.

I just want to matter to the people who say they care about me.

My husband is incredible. He comforts me, holds me, makes me laugh, takes care of me, reassures me every day that he loves me and tells me how amazing he thinks I am.

So, him aside, I feel irrelevant to everyone in my life.
I understand people are busy and have their own things going on.

But when those people are all getting together and I am not included, it hurts me.