Today.

Today, things seem to be looking up.

Today I've realized many things.

I love Steven immensely. He's brilliant. Kind. Patient. Creative. Strong. Amazing.

And I've barely shown him that I notice and love these things about him.

I was selfish. I was so caught up in my own shit that I didn't consider him.
And that was wrong.

I don't regret marrying Steven. I regret how I've treated him, and if I could reverse my actions in that, I would.
But I cannot, therefore I must go on from here doing better and improving.

I just sincerely hope he was just speaking out of anger, hurt, and exhaustion with the way things had been going when he spoke of wanting a divorce. I cannot blame him at all for being tired of how I treated him, but, to go that far to speak of separation, breaks my heart.

I hope he will give me another chance and that we can leave this all behind us.

I am terrible at holding onto grudges, and I was cruel to Steven. He has said things that hurt me, and I punished him for it, and never let him forget that he hurt me. And that's not love. That's bitterness and resentment. He doesn't deserve it, I know he didn't mean to hurt me, and I should not have kept bringing it up.
So from here on, I won't. Once apologies are given, forgiveness is all that'll remain.
It's easier said than done, but, I need to keep in mind that he loves me, and is not insidious, so I need to forgive him and let things go.